The feminine burden of masculinity.

"A little emasculated mass of inanity."

Theodore Roosevelt speaking about Henry James.

"Every woman needs one man in her life who is strong and responsible. Given this security, she can proceed to do what she really wants to do - Fall in love with men who are weak and irresponsible."

Richard J. Needham speaking about women.

Roosevelt insulted Henry James by calling him an emasculated Inanity. Needham insulted women by suggesting they secretly prefer emasculated men. Is it true women take a perverse pleasure on looking down on men? And why is it such an insult to be called emasculated? 

Someone need only use the word "Inanity" to insult me deeply, the "Emasculated" portion of the insult would mostly be inane, although, still somewhat insulting, and I don't think women in general love weak and irresponsible men, although there are women out there with weak and irresponsible men that they love.

I was in a conversation last week about what it means to be masculine and feminine, then a day later while talking to my wife she suggested I consider writing a book for men about being a man. 

What is masculine? And am I masculine enough to be qualified to write about the subject?

Each morning begins with my "marriage routine" which consists of me bringing my wife coffee in bed and then spending the first hour of that day focused on her and her needs until she walks out the front door to go to the office. Twice this week I prepared and then baked our Breakfast Casserole, I popped into the grocery store for ingredients, I "tidy" the house, (my wife "cleans" the house) I daily fill, then empty the dishwasher. Every Saturday morning I drive to get my wife's weekend paper so she can cut coupons, then laundry is done by one of us and the weekly ironing is usually completed by me before Sunday ends and most weeks I take the trash out and mow the lawn. (My wife has an impressive long list of her own that she could write alongside this list of tasks that she completes each week in maintaining our marriage and home.)

Is this "normal" masculine behavior? Am I confusing gender roles?

I consider myself to be about as masculine as any man ought to be comfortable being. I have a full beard that can be fully grown from scratch within a calendar month. I have an impressive collection of scar tissue and two tattoos decorating my very hairy body. I have lived the extremes of violence and peace; poverty and opulence. I have frightened children just by opening a door and simply saying "come in" because of my deep baritone and some intangible within me that frightens them. I have frightened men by opening a door and simply saying "get out" because of that same deep baritone and some intangible within me that frightens them. I possess all these manly attributes that can frighten babies and bullies and many more beside, but are these anymore masculine than the previous list of tasks I completed this week?

This week I saw strong men gently crying in grief and then I witnessed weak boys hiding loudly for fear of looking less than manly.

Every week I hear about boys hiding in men's bodies while being carried by women too confused to demand these infantile Behemoths walk on their own two feet.

I see people trying desperately to become "normal" all the while remaining bewildered by the complexities of personhood. I hear the questions of manhood and womanhood being bantered abroad by people uncertain of the complex gender roles within humanity. 

I am a man who likes to cook. I am a man who does the laundry. I am a man who weeps openly at sappy romantic comedies. I am a man who writes poetry and likes pretty clothes. But I am also a man who can quietly convince an Albanian drug lord and his body guard that the 200 high school kids staying in their Macedonian village won't be buying drugs, then repeat that experience for five days in a row when their competitors turned up. By 24 I had experienced enough violence to fill one of Quentin Tarantino's Grotesqueries, yet I now I consider myself a pacifist. I'm the type of man who will remark on how pretty a girl's shoes are, then turn and compliment her guy on his choice of stylish ensemble. But I am also a man with a disturbing capacity for violent action when life demands such violence to protect the innocent. 

Despite, or because of, all of this I am about as masculine as any other man I've ever met.

I do believe there are masculine traits and feminine traits but they are nebulous at best, and sadly inane when used to defend adherence to a gender stereotype.

I think an airing of this issue is something that is useful... what does masculine mean to you?