3. Submission

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." 

Ephesians 5: 22

Considering that men have made up the vast bulk of preachers in the past 2,000 years it is hardly a great wonder that the scope of sermons devoted to Paul's exhortation to married couples is centered almost entirely on a wife's duty to her husband, and is there any doubt that the subsequent infamy this exhortation has achieved is because of that very male centric focus on a wife's duty to her husband. 

But what would the same passage have historically looked like if women had made up the vast bulk of preachers for 2,000 years?

What does it mean to "submit" to your own husband?

My wife is an incredibly strong and gifted woman, who at one point in her life was a fervent feminist. 

When I first met her she had a reputation for being able to emasculate an irritating young man with a mere glance. One of my favorite memories of our early interaction was meeting her on the way to a softball game fuming about the ignorance and arrogance of some young man who had decided to say something stupid to her about her! 

There were many instances that added up to my overwhelming passion for my wife but that evening was certainly one of those instances. Her courage and passion were extraordinary and I have met few human beings male or female who exceed the moral, intellectual and physical courage of my wife. Yet, one of the most daunting challenges she faced as a single woman was the knowledge that one day she would have to submit to one of these unimpressive specimens called Man. She is a real romantic, and so she truly hoped to marry, but where on earth would she find a man worthy of her submission?

Then she met me. And she discovered she had no difficulty at all in submitting to me once she got over the shock of what I meant by submission. For I'm confident that it certainly wasn't because I was a utopian paragon of masculinity. And it certainly wasn't because she had became any less of a strong-willed and self-reliant female. 

Here is what my wife chose to submit to:

• My darling wife  decided she was willing to submit to me serving her selflessly for the rest of my life. 
• She submitted to the idea of me putting her before anyone else for the rest of her life. 
• She submitted to having a partner who was devoted to meeting her every wish. 
• She submitted to having a man stand beside her as her equal and vow to lay his life down in the service of her and the things she values. 
• She submitted to being adored daily, and deeply by a passionate man who had made a life-time vow to serve her unconditionally even unto his own death and the death of all his own dreams and desires.  
• My wife decided to submit to a man because she knew he had vowed to be her life-long devoted servant.

Tragically I think my wife is part of a tiny minority among Christian women.

Below is the alternative version that too often is the stereotype of what people think Christianity teaches about a woman submitting to her husband.

• Christian women are to submit to a man who is selfishly committed to spending their life serving themselves. 
• Christian women are to submit to the idea that the man she marries will put everything else ahead of her for the rest of her life.
• Christian women are to submit to a man who is devoted to the idea of a wife meeting their every wish.
• Christian women are to submit to a man who stands before her as her superior and vows to rule her life in the service of himself and the things he values.
• Christian women are to submit to a man who adores a multitude of things shallowly and infrequently with a dispassionate confusion that confounds any chance that she might dream that he could sacrifice for anything beyond his own hopes and dreams.
• Christian women are to submit to a man who believes that his wife has vowed to be his life-long devoted servant.

Does any of this resonate with you as you observe the average Christian marriage?

My wife submits to a man who has devoted all of his strength and courage in the pursuit of her happiness. 

The trust that the Bible demands from women to submit to this ideal of a husband is truly outrageous. Imagine having to daily trust than any man could come close to being such a selfless devoted servant of your every need?

I wish more women would demand that their husbands accept their wifely submission to the Biblical ideal of a husband's duties.

Our wives, children and our society at large would benefit from more men giving up their own rights in exchange for a life-time of selfless servitude to the woman they chose to be married to. 

This is what I teach budding young men, these are the standards I say God has set for them if they wish to marry one day.....

What do you think of my ideas of marriage?