defining nice and kind...

"All these primary impulses, not easily described in words, are the springs of man's actions. 

Albert Eistein.

I've been trying to express primary impulses using words that have caused some confusion about how I intended those words to be understood. So allow me to describe how I was using the words negatively  and how they can also be positively understood.

Niceness: 

Positive description: I see this word, when used and expressed positively, to mean "sweetness."
I know two wonderful women who exhibit "Niceness" in this way naturally and almost constantly. Sister Linda from the catholic student center on campus is a sweet person who just sweetens my life with her presence. There is no pretense, no "trying" to be sweet, there is just a natural sweetness about her life and character. The other woman is my therapist Susan, she brings a wonderfully refreshing natural sweetness into any life or room she enters. These are positive examples of niceness and if you know me I feel confident the word "sweet" would not be one of the first words you would choose to describe me. While I do possess sweetness deep inside me, it is not a word one would immediately think of to describe me.
Negative description: I see this negative niceness when I meet unsweet people pretending to be sweet. They feel it is a Christian attribute the should have so they pretend they do have it naturally but the very artificialness of it is distastefully apparent. It leaves an after taste in your mouth. I dislike this kind of pretended niceness intensely. It embarrasses me deeply that my world-view is characterized by this artificial sweetness.

Kindness

Positive description: My wife is a kind person. For me this means she is very "gentle" around people.  She touches the lives of others in an incredibly gentle way. It isn't something she tries to do, but is just something inherent in her nature. She is gentle naturally. There are other people I know who have this kind personality and temperament. It is always natural and unpretentious. They don't think of themselves as better than the person they are touching gently, they just feel a gentle approach is the most natural approach for them to take.  No one who knows me even superficially would ever use the word "gentle" to immediately describe me. I do possess a gentleness deep down inside me, but it is not an obvious surface attribute like my wife's gentleness. 

Negative description: This is a superior, pretentious approach by someone acting kind to their supposed inferiors. They feel they ought to be gentle in case they hurt the poor unfortunate they are "handling." These pretenders feel kindness is a christian attribute they should have so they foster the illusion of being gentle but because it isn't a natural reaction of their personality they don't actually understand the origin of the feeling. Their manufactured gentleness comes across as condescending and demeaning. 

You may disagree with my descriptions of both the positive nice and kind people and also the negative descriptions of nice and kind. But I am still permitted to define these words within the accepted boundaries of word usage. My descriptions of both words in both forms is coherent, consistent and verifiable. 

I find the negative pretense of these wondrous attributes to be deeply distressful and disdainful. I work really hard not to pretend I am naturally nice or kind at first glance. God didn't make me a sweet and gentle person at first glance. And while those attributes are to be found at my core, they are not shared easily or found quickly. 

I am not quickly recognized as a nice, kind person although to my intimates I am deeply nice and deeply kind. I refuse to pretend to be what I am not. If this offends you, then I accept that my life is offensive to you. While I am sad about being offensive to you, I will not pretend to repent as I don't feel it is my fault that I cause you offense. 

You see, neither obviously nice nor kind! :)